Theres a strange difference for stateside deployments and an even stranger is the training for weeks at a time. I'v been his wife through all of this and I still find it hardest to keep it all together. Just the thought of him a drive or a plane ride away makes me so crazy I want to crawl out of my skin. He has been gone for a year I get him back for a month then hes leaves again for another month... compared to a year i know its nothing. I just feel so near to him its like candy stashed and you know just where it is your just not allowed to go in that part of the house. Apparently though if I become a stripper over where he is stationed I would get to see him and his boys everynight.....makes you think keep the families away but if you want to go to a strip club no problem??? Just thought that was a bit interesting hmmmmm.......
The Rantings of an Army National Guard Wife
This is my life. This is my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences, my issues, and my solutions. This is for all those who want to know the truth...
08/23/2010
What are the three all-time greatest summer songs?
Theres a strange difference for stateside deployments and an even stranger is the training for weeks at a time. I'v been his wife through all of this and I still find it hardest to keep it all together. Just the thought of him a drive or a plane ride away makes me so crazy I want to crawl out of my skin. He has been gone for a year I get him back for a month then hes leaves again for another month... compared to a year i know its nothing. I just feel so near to him its like candy stashed and you know just where it is your just not allowed to go in that part of the house. Apparently though if I become a stripper over where he is stationed I would get to see him and his boys everynight.....makes you think keep the families away but if you want to go to a strip club no problem??? Just thought that was a bit interesting hmmmmm.......
What are the three all-time greatest summer songs?
Theres a strange difference for stateside deployments and an even stranger is the training for weeks at a time. I'v been his wife through all of this and I still find it hardest to keep it all together. Just the thought of him a drive or a plane ride away makes me so crazy I want to crawl out of my skin. He has been gone for a year I get him back for a month then hes leaves again for another month... compared to a year i know its nothing. I just feel so near to him its like candy stashed and you know just where it is your just not allowed to go in that part of the house. Apparently though if I become a stripper over where he is stationed I would get to see him and his boys everynight.....makes you think keep the families away but if you want to go to a strip club no problem??? Just thought that was a bit interesting hmmmmm.......
05/16/2010
2 am txt...
Tired of the late night wake ups!!! Can’t you leave me alone!!! It’s like a conspiracy...who can make Jennifer wake up at 2 am tonight...”Me me me it’s my turn it’s my turn" they all cheer in unison. Funny enough I have that song as my txt tone...” Its 2am and she/he calls me cuz I’m still awake!!!".....That is me that is my life and I am spent!! But thank you lord for my blessings, my healthy family, safety, and never ending love from my best friend, children, family and friends..."For I know the plans I have for you." declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11 I will always remember this above all others to give me strength in my time of need. Also the story of a man who asked god why he abandoned him when there were only one set of footprints in the sand and God said that was when I carried you. He carries us through our despair and will never abandon us. My troubles compared in the life are nothing yet he feels my need for him to carry me through. I pray every day and ongoing prayer that never ends. You may have seen me at times talking to myself but that is me talking to god. I talk to him as a friend and my relationship with him is spiritual. He talks to me in many ways and surprises me with love and wisdom in the oddest places I would never have thought to look. I talk to him with the understanding that he already knows what is in my heart and he has already answered my prayers, and with the understanding that time does not exist for the Lord therefore the prayers he answers in his own time does not capture to true meaning of the Lord. The lord has no time therefore he has answered before we have asked and know his plan for each of us before we live it. Time is manmade. So I will be thankful and stop complaining now!!!
05/07/2010
The lying American Governmant and the Ignorant American People Who Believe
I’m not sure why human beings have the audacity to feel that they are better than others. No matter what makes them feel this way the self proclaimed illusions of grandeur are narcissistic, ignorant, and contradictory at best. Why is there a major gap between the haves and the have not’s in this country which is apparently equal opportunity. Why does the government reward trash of all nationalities yet hard working lower class people are not given the much needed help in order to improve their situation. No instead this country rewards lazy, lying, cheating, manipulative, criminals, and drug addicts who have no intention of improving their situation by working hard and one day being able to become a contributing member of society. This does not include those who have had an unfortunate situation in which they are in need of government assistance for a determined period of time. Yet if you work hard and make money you get no help…minimum wage does not even come close to what is needed to survive in today’s society. Those who make just above the poverty level know what I am talking about when you pay your bills on time when you have a car that passes inspections and registered with proper insurance. The family who pays their rent, who wants to get education or training to better their situation. I know what this feels like my husband has only a GED; I had a high school diploma making 8 dollars an hour with a baby. No help from uncle Sam because my husband was working and we didn’t meet the standards for poverty level because he made 50 dollars a month over and we owned a car paid our bills and insurance. What no one takes into consideration is it was a smart balance of finance in order for us to make it. This is when I began to understand the welfare system was not meant to help people out of hard times. No this system is a sure way to keep those who have no intention of becoming a productive member of society, who believe that they are a kind of superior being in that they are owed, in the same situation for the rest of their lives and for generations to come. It is a brilliant plan to keep the social order in check and to make certain that lower class stays there. Why??? Well because if there is not sun there is no moon. If there is no underclass there is not upper class. There privileged way of like would cease to exist. The argument is I worked hard for my money and why should I give it to unfortunate middle and lower class Americans as if they are entitled and owed more than other. Interesting since those on welfare have the same mentality this is called illusion of grandeur and it is the most ignorant form of prejudice. When Americans wake up and look at this as fact there will be a revolution of enlightenment. The same system is set up by the upper class to keep immigrants specifically Mexican immigrants illegal. Why? Because it makes them money if immigrants did not work in areas for no insurance and under minimum wage the revenue of these huge connected companies would cease to exist and wood throw off the balance of supply and demand. The effects would be felt all over the United States and possibly the world. Middle class would be hit in the purchasing of products upper class including those with companies illegally hiring immigrants would be devastated. The propaganda of the Mexican immigrants’ stereotypical underclass criminals takes the focus away from the real criminals the American government. Educate yourselves America and stop believing what others with an agenda to further themselves state as fact. Ignorance is truly the fuel to destruction and obliteration of a society which prides itself on the promise of liberty to all.
04/22/2010
The one....
You were the one, the one with the knowledge Of all that I have been through
All I’d done, done to me, done to you, all of my life you always knew
The first time I felt you inside me I pushed you away
The memory of my innocence was all I could see
you gave me no pressure but held me close and there in your arms
I fell in love to your voice and body against me,
pure LOVE
You broke my heart often, And still to this day
Breathing used to come easy, now taken away
I cant live without you, But you cannot stay
The days you left marks, should have walked away,
I stayed cuz I hopped you would change
Now I am caught but made a choice
You are my best friend best friend I have lost
My Love At A Glance
We met in middle school. He was older and I was. I didn’t see him walk in and I didn’t see him sit down behind me. But I felt him….. flick my ears.
He was some big deal around the school but I was in my own little world. My best friend was in love and he called her names, and I knew I was not interested.
As the years passed he was always around. He was the constant that I learned to wait for and eventually he came through. I remember when he was sent away first once then again. I remember his voice when he’d call and say I miss you. I was so young but I knew it was special. The way he did what he did. The way he made his way to me. The way he held me. The way we danced at my 15th he made me feel like a princess.
Going back and forth from my life and then back again. I scared him, he had no idea why. Maybe I scared myself but I knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. He left me without a word and broke my heart. I let him go and promised I was finished.
2 years later his voice was on the line telling me he needed me. A week later he was in my arms and I didn’t want to let go and I never did.
I put the test on the dresser and he looked at me and said ok. He was so proud of that little boy.
He left me for his first tour broken hearted once again someone else on his mind.
He came back to three of us with glazed eyes and didn’t see me anymore. He would come through from time to time and I would remember the times we were in love. It wasn’t his hands that hurt the worst it was the thoughts after he was finished that took me back to whom he was and who he had become. The thought of who I was and what I had become. I was pregnant and all I knew was wrong. The best friend who would protect me with his life had hurt me and I was stuck.
The storm settled and our rage was quiet by the arrival of a princess. She blinded us with love. But it wasn’t enough to keep us from the pain.
And again he left me for his 2nd tour with the question of his love for me and his intentions. My resentment and hurt overwhelmed me and I fell. I hit the bottom and broke his heart and my own.
He gave me the forgiveness I refused to give him for all the years I was hurt. He taught me how to forgive and I followed him to a new road. And we began the relationship I thank God for today. We stuck it out didn’t quit and found love on the other side of pain.
Ignorant Americans: what my husband fights for....
TheCrosby a blogger on a site where military wives post writings to encourage each other through deployments blogged a particularly ignorant response to a particular blog about a family’s home in particular the perks of increased salary while deployed she mentioned the grass and other material assets that were afforded by the deployment…..this was my response and my response to anyone who dare speak to a military family about loss and war as if they know anything about it...
ARE YOU SERIOUS!!! You think our husbands risk their lives in order to serve their country for grass??? YOU obviously have no idea what you are talking about. My husband is a respectable man and is a deputy sheriff in our community when he is not risking his life and well being serving our..YOUR...country while you sit safe at home writing ridiculous things on blogs that are meant to be a optimistic support system for military families. Are you suggesting that my husband while in country on patrol is working for grass!! Would you have the nerve to say THIS "There are cute kids in Iraq also. Imagine how this article sounds to an Iraqi mommy. Don't you dare brush them aside as 'collateral damage'. These are people just like us. Dads who love their children and have high ambitions for them. Wives who are grateful for the work their husband does. Employees who work hard at their craft." about the people he arrests and charges with crimes against the citizens of our..YOUR...community??? HOW DARE YOU suggest we do not realize they have families over there that are caught in the crossfire of war...how dare you suggest we do not know what it is to be in danger of loss. DON'T YOU DARE come on here and inject hatred and indifference about our men and women who at any moment may not return home or worse return home and be unable to take care of themselves for the rest of their lives. SHAME on you for suggesting that we do not realize these people have names and faces and are worthy of peace and safety!! If you have a problem with war or where we are or are concerned with the lives of those who are occupying the geographical area in which war has been waged then I suggest YOU get yourself into politics and get educated on who makes decisions on where and who America wages war against. YOUR ignorance is unacceptable if you are going to bring negativity to those who are sacrificing not me and my husband but how dare you speak negatively of our families who have given their loved ones in service of this country YOU call home. We do not wage war...my husband serves his country and the military is run by the president of the united states and the congress which backs his declaration of war. Take a political science class and take your negativity against the soldiers who risk their lives to yourself and to your ignorant following who agree with you. This blog is to support our military families not slap them in the face. How dare you spit on them..How dare you contradict yourself...remember we have faces, we work hard. We are brushed aside everyday and YOU have done so today! SHAME ON YOU AND I AM EMBARRASSED TO CALL YOU A FELLOW AMERICAN!!
04/20/2010
Thoughts on God and War
Thoughts of an army wife
Its 143 in the morning and as my family sleeps and my husband continues with his day in Iraq I sit in my bed my mind racing. Thinking of life, love, reenlistment, money problems, and the gift soldiers have to endure situations most will never come close to. I contemplate one question for which I don’t know the answer to. Is being a soldier a God given talent and a God given path or is it a result of mans weakness for evil? I think of Michael the Arch angel who was a warrior. Then I think of the principles I have been taught from the Christian faith. A warrior for Jesus loves those who are your enemy as you love Jesus.
Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then should the Scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be so?” Mathew 26:52-54
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. Mathew 5:38-39
It would seem from these teachings that God suggests no need for war because the war would be fought with legions of angles therefore man need not take up a sword. In the book of Mathew it goes on to say that an eye for an eye is wrong and a slap on the cheek deserves the surrender of the other cheek to the offender. According to these passages war is unnecessary and in contradiction to the will of God. However there is clear evidence in the bible in favor of war in which God blesses one side and it is because of him that the battle is won.
Though the army of the Syrians had come with few men, the Lord delivered into their hand a very great army, because Judah had forsaken the Lord, the God of their fathers. Thus they executed judgment on Joash.2Chronicles 24:24
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and
a time for peace. Ecclesiastes 3:8
We see in these two passages that God not only comes to the aid of a beloved son but produces an army for the purpose of killing the enemy. The same enemy that we are supposed to turn the other cheek to and love as we love Jesus. This gift of an army was Gods punishment for being forsaken by Judah. This is another example of confusion in which God is not held to the same standards as we are in relation to love, trust, anger, and retaliation. One could argue that God is teaching Judah a lesson as a parent does a child by spanking them. However this lesson comes with the price of a very high body count. Ecclesiastes states that there is a time for everything including war. If we concede the fact that God makes time for war is it not true today that it is a necessary part of life? And can we infer that God has blessed special men and women for that purpose to handle this allotted time. Just as a person is born with a God given talent such as music, singing, dancing, athleticism, intelligence, inventiveness, kindness, and many other abilities from the time they are born. Can we reasonably say that one of these gifts is warrior, soldier, fighter, and protector? I believe in my heart that my husband was born to be a soldier and I believe God blessed him with the ability to do what few have the courage, strength, and perseverance to do, fight and die by the sword in order to protect what we hold sacred.
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